Autosnackorientation syndrome.

I've just realised that I always eat my Tesco's chicken and mushroom slices the same way up, so that the chevrons are pointing towards me. This way I get a great feeling of each time I reach a new "v" i bite the tip off and then devour the weakened lines.

Next time you eat a cake or savoury snack with a patterned top, see if it affects you. I will endeavour to try eating the next chicken and mushroom slice in the wrong way and see if aligning the v's with the shape of my mouth is more satisfying.

The Clapper

The clapper (the device where a clapping noise can be made to switch something on or off, not to be confused with some kind of evil bad guy...hmmm maybe more later), is a classic case of an invention to help save us time to do those all important things. I had a conversation the other day regarding some less-than-useful applications of the device. A classic would be a hands free method to turn off your computer, perhaps because your hands have been used for other things and to touch the keyboard now might be slightly...disadvantageous. Especially the next time you have to use the keyboard. So of course you could use the clapper! Great. Only when you start thinking about it, the last thing that you want to be doing with your hands after that is to bang them sharply together just inches from your person. Maybe no clapper there then.

Other bad places to use them to turn things on and off are:

1- Life support machines. Except for the joy of having a doctor wield wizard like power by saying "I'm so sorry..." then clapping loudly twice, like the Gods of old and ending the veggie’s life (human vegetable, not vegetarian. I know vegetarians are weak, but I don't think their that weak).

2- The epileptics' comedy stand-up event. A fundraiser for epileptics where a room full of epileptics are treated to a spot lit comedian. Just wire up the spot light to a clapper and wait for a great joke. Not very time saving methinks.

3- The burns ward wired to the emergency nurse alarm next to patients' beds. Just smack those hands together if you're in pain!

4- The gear change in a car. Now you don't have the distraction of reaching down to the gear stick. Of course you would have to have a way of both changing up and down gears. Perhaps a click sensor to go with it. Now every journey is a musical! Just don't change gears when going around a corner, or have over excited kids in the car (a general piece of advice for everyone who doesn't have kids anyway), or be eating that space dust stuff with your mouth open, or have "hey Mickey you're so fine" playing on the car radio.

So what an evil person the Clapper is. Attaching clappers to various devices around the world. This week the Clapper attaches his deadly device to a nuclear launch button and leaves a tape of "If you're happy and you know it" on the desk....mwaaahaahaa!