Drunken Angel Syndrome

When most people have moral questions, they often perceive the right and wrong answers as coming from an angel and a devil respectively. They sit on peoples' shoulders and whisper their advice in to the poor person's ear.

Unfortunately I suffer from a rare condition known as drunken angel syndrome (DAS). I say rare, I actually mean that I am the only one I know of. Despite trying to make my condition known, I usually end up writing abusive emails to people I don't like. The reason for this is as follows:

Say that I want to help someone up who fell down by grabbing their hand and picking them up. The devil will immediately appear on my left shoulder and whisper "Pssst....you should let go of him half way up so they fall again!". A perfectly normal thought, as having someone fall over repeatedly is undeniably funny. Normally there is then the counter argument by the holy one on my right shoulder. Something along the lines of "but that's your grandfather! You could injure him!". Instead when I wait for the response, I get "h..hey. Hey. ...Hey. You-you know what we should do? We should totally go the Threshers! Yeah! Its just down the road from here. Lets get some special brew. Could you, could you lend me a fiver. I'm going to throw up again." Out of the two options, its actually the devil's, and not the collapsed angel sounding like he's currently choking on his own vomit, that makes the better argument.