Monday, 29 January 2007

Introducing state the obvious man!

Villains shake in terror! terrorists, your villainous days are at an end! A new saviour inhabits these rotten streets....


.....State the Obvious Man!

With my miraculous powers to state what is clear to everyone already from over 25 feet away! That's more than 20 feet away!

Thieves and murderers will be forced to cower and stop their thieving and murdering (the murdering will be stopped by the murderers and its the thieves that will stop stealing things, not the other way around). Stealing is a synonym for thieving. Synonym is another word for "another word for". But now it just sounds like I'm repeating myself, which is not my super power at all. That honour goes to repetition man. Who can repeat things he has already said with incredible accuracy!

But I digress; as my power is stating the obvious, hence the name...... STATE THE OBVIOUS MAN!!!

My reign of justice (not to be confused with rain of justice, which would refer to judicial precipitation), has already begun, and I have already battled with the evil and foul tyrannous Multiple Personality Man! Whose many personalities are each more evil that the last! Except for the last one, which inevitably must be the worse one and therefore makes the first personality the least evil, and relatively nice. Of course this would require some kind of linear rating gun that could be fired in to his head and take abstract beings and give them multiple dimensions with which they could be organised in to a rating of nicest to most evil personalities. Which, luckily is what I brought with me! And with my "Gun -that -lines -up -someones -many -personalities -into -a -viewable -line -of -ranked -personalities -starting -with -the -nicest" (I named the gun myself), it wasn't long before multiple personalities man had all of his personalities given multiple dimensions and lined up according to how good or evil they were.
"How could you do this to me/us?"
"Easily" I retorted, "I simply used the Gun -that -lines -up -someones -many -personalities -into -a -viewable -line -of -ranked -personalities -starting -with -the -nicest to rank your personalities in a line starting with the nicest after making them viewable!
"Yes I got that from the first part of your monologue! Why did you bother continuing?!" Screamed 12 of his innumerable selves almost simultaneously (at the same time).
"Because I'm STATE THE OBVIOUS MAN!" I bellowed back at him, so as to answer his many identical questions.

37 of his personalities exploded on hearing my reply. It was as if my reply had caused over 30 (though less than 40) of his personalities to explode from hearing my reply regarding my name (which is state the obvious man).

Screaming and in terror, multiple personality man fled the as yet un-described location, leaving the nuclear missiles un-launched, and safe for another day.

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