Thursday, 26 July 2007

Statistics and the Lambubance service

Now I like to think that just because I'm writing on the Interweb, it doesn't make me a over-opinionated, belligerent know-it-all who thinks everyone needs to hear my views over everyone else’s.

Having said that, I will now have my 2 cents worth. Its regarding the BBC's recent news story about how obesity is "Contagious". I like to make my opinion here known. No it f%%%%ng isn't.

Their argument is as follows: Statistics show that "Having a friend, sibling or spouse who is overweight raises a person's risk of being obese too". " the risk was increased by 57% if a friend was obese, by 40% if a sibling was and 37% if a spouse was." They are actually suggesting that because you spend a lot of time near fat people, you begin to mimic their lifestyle so you end up fat yourself. look at a fatty, and think "hmmm.....they are pretty cool. I'm going to try and be like them by stopping exercise and eating fatty foods."

Brilliant. Thank you US researchers. You've clearly been brought up on the school of statistics prove whatever you set out to prove. Lets just ignore the other principles like common sense.

They must be the same people who fear travelling in ambulances because you are statistically more likely to die in one.

Perhaps, just perhaps its because fat people like to be around fat people because they feel more comfortable. Or because they can't date any thin, athletic people because the thin people might start vomiting when they look at them.

No, clearly the only answer is that obesity is a deadly disease, thus absolving all fat people from any responsibility. "I'm only fat because my friends are." So get some new friends tubby. Just not me.

Speaking of ambulances (I think I was a little time ago), I've come up with a new, cheaper option to the emergency services. Just dial 998 and you get the b rate emergency services. They may not have all the training that you might need to be a paramedic, or an IQ over 40, but what they lack in basic safety they make up for with determination, big hearts and really big hacksaws.

Just imagine, you in a big car accident but you can't get through to the 999 services because their too busy helping soggy northerners get their trackies off of their washing line made up of stolen car parts. Instead just dial 998. In a flash comes the lopice and lambubance, with fully staffed "special" crew. They'll have you out of that burning car in a jiffy, just as soon as Steve stops crying because he got too near the fire.

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