Monday, 30 April 2007

Nursery rhymes are an insult to intelligence

#Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water....

up a hill....


Surely the most amateur of writers would think a little more than this eejit did. But no, the poet decided that it was not important why they went up a hill, but merely that they were on the top of a hill at some point for a millinery/pail tumbling incident to occur.

Jack and Jill went up a hill before they realised what a complete pair of muppets they had been to expect that the best place for water to settle is in a LOW area of land, such as a valley or crevasse. Realising their mistake, Jill in a fit of rage struck Jack around the head with her pail, sending him tumbling to the ground.

"How could you do this to us you idiot! This is the last time you mess me around. DIE!". Jill swung the pail down towards a confused Jack's head. Jack threw himself to his left, the metal bucket narrowly missing his temple. His foot raised swiftly and landed into Jill's stomach. Buckling in a scream, Jill fell backwards, her hands already reaching down to her ankle holster as she fell. She drew and let loose 4 rounds, hitting a shrieking Jack twice in the leg. Jack drew his hunting knife a threw it towards Jill. His throw was true, and the blade shot deep into her chest. Her torso hit the ground with a heavy thump, before rolling slowly down the hill.

"You should have listened. You should have trusted me. Oh God, what have I don’t. WHAT HAVE I DONE!!!" Jack dragged himself to the used revolver, now soaked in his former lover's blood. Two rounds, good. He would only need one. One to take this pain away for ever. Gun pointed towards his ear he squeezed the trigger.

As Jill's body reached the bottom of the hill, a trail of her blood lining her path down, Jack came tumbling after.

The moral of the story is, if you're going to lie, don't lie about the rules of physics, because sooner or later, that person will find out. And they won't be happy about it.

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