Tuesday, 29 May 2007

Why Sean Bean is awesome

Sean Bean (to be pronounced seen been, or shawn bawn because you're not allowed both), dies in pretty much everything he has ever been in. There is one exception to this.

I can remember a little about "Sharpe" as a kid. Apart from the fact that he looked great in a brit-mullet, he was the only bloke with any common sense in the entire British army.

I only remember one episode well, but I think it can be applied to EVERY other episode. Sharpe and his band of "cross-section" brits come to a new area, apparently without any real orders or purpose. Deciding that the best course of action is to P**s off whoever is the highest rank in the area, Sharpe promptly sleeps with the General's wife (presumably by wooing her with his mullet).

The next day Sharpe forms line with the General's oh-so-green troops, including at least one 15 year old ready to demonstrate the futility of war by looking like he might make it, idolising Sharpe, and then getting shot in slow motion.

The General is, of course VERY English. Blue blooded, obnoxious, stiff upper lipped southerner with a complete disregard for everything and everyone. He is in charge of a bunch of soldiers that "Daddy" gave him to play with. During his 20 minute orientation to modern battle tactics that came free with his royal sugar puffs, he was taught to:

i) Form lines against cavalry.
ii) Show complete impatience.
iii) March his troops into narrow gorges, dense forest and dead ends.
iv) Completely ignore Sharpe and all other subordinates. Especially if they offering sound military tactics.

And so Sharp, watching the young, innocent infantry getting massacred, shouts "bluhdee ell luds, coom on!" (my impression of his northern accent), and runs in to save the day with as much bravado, invulnerability and coolness as possible. Though obviously not before the kid dies, proving that war is not nice.

No comments: